


Lousy Smarch Weather

by Katflap (Batman_in_Lingerie)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Ficlet, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Slight OOC for the sake of comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29582346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batman_in_Lingerie/pseuds/Katflap
Summary: Clark explains to Hal that despite being very smart, Bruce doesn't know everything.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 24
Kudos: 114





	Lousy Smarch Weather

**Author's Note:**

> A dumb little ficlet I wrote inspired by a conversation me and some other peeps had in a Superbat Discord server. It really is just meant to be a bit of fun, so if you see this as super OOC for Bruce, I dunno what to tell you other than I wrote it for the lol's. ;)

“Hey, Supes, what’re you doing?”

  
  
Clark looked up at Hal, pausing his writing. He tapped the words on the page with the tip of his pen. “I’m planning Bruce’s surprise birthday party.”

  
  
At the words, Hal’s eyes immediately went across the room. “Uh, Clark?” He jerked his head towards the only other person in the room, sat on another table, focused on his own work. Hal slid into the seat before Clark, his voice barely about a whisper. “You know it’s not much of a surprise if you say it when he’s in the room.”

  
  
Clark turned towards Bruce, and watched the man in question. “Yeah, you'd think, but this is Bruce we’re talking about.” 

Hal however, only looked more confused. “Surely it’s ‘cause it’s Bruce you’d wanna be secretive.”

Clark laughed at that, his hand slapping the side of the table. “ _Oh,_ good one.”

  
  
Despite the laughter, Hal did not join in. His frown only grew. “Wanna fill me in on why this is funny to you?”

  
  
Clark's laughter died down, and he wiped his eyes before speaking. “Okay, so Bruce is smart, right? Like, really smart, do not get me wrong, but his ability to keep track of dates is on par with a toddler. Like, his own internal clock is unfailing, you ask him to remind you of something in five minutes time, without fail, five minutes later he will remind you, but God forbid you want him to remember what month your birthday is in.”

Hal only shook his head. “Yeah, no. There is no way that's true. The man is a human computer.”

  
  
“Oh?” Clark raised a brow, before turning towards Bruce. “Hon?”

  
  
At the word, Bruce only let a single grunt.

“For the life of me,” Clark continued. “I just can not remember what today's date is.”

  
  
Bruce paused his writing, before turning to Clark. “The date?”

  
  
“Yeah, like the date today. What is it?”

  
  
Bruce’s eyes narrowed considerably, as he looked between Hal and Clark. He pursed his lips and set down his pen. The indecision on his face was clear to see, and Clark was well aware that if Hal had not been here, he’d have already given up or perhaps have even left the room to avoid answering. “Sep...tem... maruary.” He muttered, before clearing his throat. “Smarch something.”

  
  
“ _Smarch_?” Hal blurted.

  
  
Bruce glared at him. “I’m hedging my bets.”

  
  
“What, and your ‘bet’ is it's either September or March?” Hal asked incredulously.

“Yes.”

The shock on Hal’s face was evident. “And the fact that Valentine's day was _yesterday_ is completely lost on you?”

  
  
“No.” Bruce bristled. “I just don't know what month Valentine's day is in. I just know it's a cold one. Like Christmas.”

  
  
“A cold--” but Hal stuttered to a halt, before bringing his hand to his mouth. “How the Hell do you struggle with this? You're supposed to be smart!”

“I am smart. Unlike _you_.” Bruce stood up from his table and grabbed his notebooks. “Now if you'll excuse me i'm going to find somewhere else to work. Somewhere where I won't be heckled by man's closest relative to the earthworm.”

As he stormed from the room, Clark only held his hand in the direction he’d left, his lips pressed into a line. “Told you.”

  
  
“But…” Hal shook his head. “How? How is that possible?”

  
“It's like I said, Bruce is smart, and that's the problem. His brain is full of all this information, and it's like, he has to pick something to not keep absolute one hundred percent track off or its like his brain would overload. Dates just so happen to be that thing. You ask him what started world war two, the social and economics behind it all, he’d tell you with unfailing accuracy. You ask what day it ended? He’d draw a blank.”

  
  
“But like… He _always_ remembers our birthdays. Hell, he even hosts them in the Manor.”

  
  
“Because _I_ remind him.” Clark said, tapping his pen against himself for emphasis. “Alfred used to do it, but since me and Bruce have gotten together, I've taken over date duties, _and_ party planning duties, by the way. If you think Bruce would have hired a face painter for _your_ birthday party, you got another thing coming. That was all me.”

  
  
“So, that's it then, he doesn't know when anything is. If you or Alfred weren’t helping him, he wouldn't even know when his own birthday was.”

  
  
“Yeah, that about sums it up.”

  
  
“That’s awful.”

“You say that, but I told you, he picks and chooses what to remember. Take our first date, he knows what I ordered, where we ate, the weather, but the actual date? Nope, has no idea. Our first anniversary? He knows what country we went to, the name of every place we visited, as well as my comments about all of them, but the month we were there? Nada.” Clark smiled as he looked down at the paper in thought. “In my opinion, he remembers the important stuff, so what if he doesn’t remember the date.”

“I guess when you put it like that, it doesn’t sound too bad.” Hal muttered, with a sigh. “Still, I dunno if I could handle Barry not knowing when my birthday was.”

  
  
“Then we will just have to agree to disagree, ‘cause it doesn’t bother me at all.” Clark gave a wistful sigh as he stood up. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go and find a calendar maker, ‘cause this conversation just gave me the _best_ idea for a birthday present for Bruce.”

And sure enough, on the 19th of February as Bruce opened presents during his completely unexpected Birthday party, there was one from Clark that contained a calendar unlike any other, for it held a very special bonus month.

**Author's Note:**

> For those who don't know, Smarch is a joke from the Simpsons, I didn't come up with it or anything XD I just love it and like I said in the above notes, a lot of this fic came from a conversation in a Discord server so it's just meant to be a little bit of fun. :)
> 
> I will say you could interpret this in a lot of ways, but I do like the idea that time is just a big ole miasma to Bruce and he really struggles with dates and months and even years. Maybe one or two dates stick in his brain (like his parents deaths etc) but for the most part, if its not super serious he just sort of lets it drop out of his brain all together. 
> 
> Anyway I hope you all enjoyed the silliness. Until next time :D


End file.
